Flowery

Flowers, in theory, are a good concept for "thoughtful" and pleasant little gifts. Personally I only think they're good for weddings and funerals.

I'm a rare conundrum. I like attention.... but third person attention. I'd like you to read all about Erin and talk about how wonderful Erin is ... but don't friggin' look at me! Flowers cause lookie-loo attention. Oh, horrible!

This particular flower-issue probably stems from high school. I'd met a guy online (surprise, surprise), an army seargent who was departing to whatever base the next day, and I'd spent a night selfishly bitching to him about how evil and slutty and mean and horrible and cruel a particular "friend" of mine was. Then in a moment of insight I decided to give him my high school's phone number and convinced him to call it the following day and leave a message in the office... maybe convince them to announce it over the PA's somehow. I dreamed a dream of "Lisa, the free clinic called and your test results were positive," coming out with the homeroom announcements.

Instead - Mr. Army Seargeant (his screenname was SARGE) called the school and got their address and then SENT ME ROSES... AT SCHOOL!! The school actually had a "no flowers accepted" policy but the flowery delivery guy just wandered onto the property and JUST HAPPENED to stop at my religion class door and asked "Does anyone know where I can find Erin L.?" I was MORTIFIED.

And then that evil bitch slut Lisa went around and started a rumor that the handwriting on the card looked like mine and therefore I must have sent the evil roses to myself! Because, of course, what man would send roses to Erin?

The note on the card, by the way, read "Thank you for last night! Love, Sarge" Idiot! (Apparently he was sending an honest thank you because I'd taken his mind off the fact that he was shipping off wherever.)

So - remember! Don't send flowers! Send a plant!