Louis Vuitton Murakami

Ebay Auction A few weeks ago I went to the Takashi Murakami exhibit at the MOCO (Museum of Contemporary Art) at the Geffen. This was the first confusing part as it wasn't AT the MOCA - it was at this wing of the MOCA behind the Japanese museum. My friend and I were going on a mission because she'd been asked by a New York friend to pick up one of these Louis Vuitton purses. Neither one of us are "Purse" or "Fashion" people so we didn't really know what the big deal was - we were going for the art! But while there we decided to pick up a second purse (since they are one per customer and there were two of us). The original purse got shipped off to her friend in New York and we decided to eBay the second one.

Beyond the Louis Vuitton store there were quite a few interesting Murakami pieces - my favorite was the animation pieces. There was a great one featuring his characters KaiKai and KiKi (sp?) involving watermelon seeds and poop. Any kid comedy featuring poop is just instantly classic I believe! :) There were also a lot of pieces just generally featuring bodily functions like happy little mutant erections ("My Body is Alive!") and lactation and semen sprays... happily spraying. (Thankfully not live.) All in all - there is just nothing quite like modern Japanese art.


Here's a little something Takashi did for Louis Vuitton (beyond the purse) that features some of that purse art :


Example of KaiKai and KiKi animation:




And here's a specific tour of the exhibition:

What I Want for Christmas 2010

So the "Amazon Kindle" is making waves as this great ebook reader with "whispernet" downloads and "digital ink" technology.

I'd embed a video but the one I like doesn't have that option so click on the link:
Amazon Kindle demonstration video

It looks pretty effin' awesome. My favorite features are the dictionary for word look up, the Wikipedia availability, the blog reader updates (so I can download updates about Ben's comics, Val's comedy and Marlena's Noodle... haha that sounded gross) and the nearly always available link to Amazon. (I love you Amazon.)

I'm pretty sure I want one but NOT NOW. I don't want this one. I want the one coming out in my hypothetical future - the one that displays in COLOR. Why must everything cool come in black and white first? (Seriously... you KNOW it's gonna come out in color so why would anyone even bother buying the Black and White one??) I want to view those book covers in COLOR. Because I judge books by covers.

I also want the "Kindle for Writers" - the one that's gonna come out with a pen so that I can jot notes with my own handwriting and then use the "rhyming dictionary" lookup and the "Kindle for Geeks" which will play my coding books but with tutorial videos AND download graphic novels.

So when those come out - buy me one.

Web 2.0 logo parodies

I just found this great set of web 2.0 style logos for known brands. Ha! Everybody everybody everybody loves the gel reflect! (Sorry I don't know who the original artists are.)

WOW: Creative

Another WOW post. This week we were asked to write about "Creativity" with specific reference to this quote:

“There is a correlation between the creative and the screwball.
So we must suffer the screwball gladly.”
– Kingman Brewster


Quotes such as these make me feel vindicated. Damnit, I’m immature! Immature and proud of it! Yes, I’m still laughing at Beavis & Butthead humor and every time … EVERY TIME I pass the “Hump Zone” sign I giggle.

There is a point in almost every creative product where something that I began with dramatic intent suddenly just becomes funny. Just tilt it on its head a little and the parody of the original is just worth so much more. Often I have that moment and then refocus on finishing what I’ve already started but maybe the funny thoughts lead to something else.

And screwball is nearly the same as having a screw loose. I’m of the “mad scientist” variety with my hair all awry and an inability to complete common logical tasks (like figuring out that if something comes in pairs then I only need to buy half as many as I need). I need a caretaker and specifically somebody that understands that while I may be an idiot at putting an outfit together or basic subtraction I can come up with ideas for stories and concepts for projects seemingly out of nowhere. My parodies of bad poetry turn into good poetry. I write good bad poetry. I create because I can laugh at everyday things.

I’m also a mess. There is no space safe from my clutter (though I’m trying very hard to keep my car clutter-free since it’s my safe space). While writing this I found another quote by A. A. Milne: “One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” This is true too. Sometimes I set myself to the task of finding out what is in a certain pile only to discover a magazine I intended to but never read. And then the rest of my “cleaning time” is spent discovering the exciting travel destinations in Oceanside or learning about the new line of metallic nail polish (circa 1995). Everything leads to something and I’ll add that the timing of discovery borders on the supernatural and Fate. And of course if I didn’t have a wandering mind capable of believing in and conceiving of the weird in the first place – so many good stories would be lost. So maybe I don’t fit in with polite society when I bring up conversations about the Mothman or Irish mummies but at least I have character!

And I really haven’t met that many people who don’t “suffer the screwball gladly.” Have you noticed? There is a whole new line of Ellen DeGeneres greeting cards on the market!

WOW!

In my Career Development class we're given the weekly task of writing informal essay responses to chosen words of the week. These are our W.O.W. assignments. It happens that I'm reading Stephen King's "On Writing" now so I find these particularly funny because King just described them as "what teachers assign when they can't think of any other way to waste your time" in the chapter I just finished. True that!

This week's Word of the Week was "Focus" and this I share with you now:



Having, getting, maintaining focus – this is probably my biggest daily struggle. I have a method of working “when the mood strikes.” I just simply and absolutely have to do something when I have the focus because otherwise it won’t get done. This has gotten me into some trouble in the past when I’ve attempted to hang pictures or move furniture because I was in the mood to. It’s not that focus comes with pleasurable experiences because it doesn’t. There are just some moments when I can put my mind to something and most often it’s a difficult fight to get my mind to stay on task.

Saying “I have ADD” in this era is almost a joke because it was a diagnosis that came out nowhere and gained popular notoriety. But seriously! I think I have ADD! I can generally sit in one place and appear to be listening but mostly my mind is wandering and if the mood strikes I’ll just start working on something else. In the past few years it has gotten to the point where the only way I can sit and watch an entire movie in one sitting is if I’m AT the movie theater – yet another reason I enjoy movies SOO much. They can actually capture my attention for approximately two hours. A record time! Of course that’s only if they dull my other senses by turning off all the other lights and properly inform everybody that they should shut up and turn their cell phones off. 

Learning to adapt to my lack of focus is an interesting process. Mostly it’s hit and miss but sometimes I’ll come across a technique that works for me. For instance, if I need to write something and I’m not able to concentrate then I just start writing about not being able to concentrate. Eventually the typing or the pen scribbling will trick my mind into thinking “Oh I’m writing now” and the little switch will turn on that lets the creative juices flow. I would say that 90% percent of the stuff I’ve turned in as my WOW responses has been the “writing before the writing kicks in.” I’ve now started doing these at the beginning of a period when I’ll need to actually be creative because it kick starts the brain into entering into the proper mode.

Another thing I’ve learned about is listing. I cannot… CANNOT… follow a schedule to save my life. It’s simple – I may have “do homework” scheduled for 2PM but if the focus is not there it’s just going to mess up the whole schedule because I’ll sit down and do everything but. However, I can follow a “To Do” list quite well. That’s a list of things I can do whenever the focus strikes and there’s a handy little check box to make me feel accomplished when I’ve completed a task. The homework may have gotten done at 2AM but there were all sorts of things I finished before that too! The big problem with the To Do list, though, is the focus to sit down and write the To Do list in the first place. I have started mentally imagining lists instead.

I’ve also learned about the best places to read a book (the bathroom), the proper times to write a letter (2am), where best to eat my food so that I will actually “eat” it without losing focus (while watching television - it doesn't matter what's on as long as the computer is not near by) and other tasks. My biggest issue these days is how to turn my unfocused mind OFF so that I can actually sleep at normal hours. Bed time for me is usually 4AM and even then I lay there unable to stop thinking. Basically, focus is a problem for me. Either I have too much or not enough.

Your Watching the Learning Channel

Last night I was watching a TiVoed episode of L.A. Ink on TLC and noticed this little booboo. I quickly pointed it out and saved the sucker for later picture taking and blog point-funnery.

The misuse of "your" and "you're" is angrifying! Sure I steal fake words and use nouns as verbs and such but I'm not THE LEARNING CHANNEL.

Dedication

I found this interesting because the "Kid in the Picture" technique mentioned in this video is something we're learning in "Motion Graphics" class this week.

Adobe Contribute

adobe,bavmorda

Today my Adobe Creative Sutie 3 "Master Collection" arrived which is pretty dang exciting. Of course now I'm sitting here trying to figure out just what exactly everything does.  I've got the basics down (not including the fancy new features) ... the basics being Photoshop, Illustrator, Dreamweaver, Flash and Fireworks.  I know how to fumble around in InDesign and Premiere (because I know Final Cut Pro and a little work with the Avid and Pro Tools) ... but I know nothing about Contribute, Encore and Soundbooth.  AfterEffects I'm in the process of learning so I'm not too worried about that. 

Smart web perusers will properly guess that the point and purpose of this blog entry is to test this "Contribute" program which supposedly allows me to update my blogs and web page pages easily.  Since it linked right up to my blogger account - this was handy.  We shall see if it actually works (in just two shakes of a lamb's tail). 

I've spent part of my evening playing with the pre-made music scores in Soundbooth but I had hoped it would be a multi-track editing program and it doesn't look like it is.  (Is it?) Well obviously I'm going to have to sit here with the included video training and teach myself these things.  Encore looks to be a DVD authoring program.  I know at school we'll be learning on DVD Studio Pro so I can only hope it relates in obvious ways.

My feelings on the new icon designs are mixed.  I do like the abbreviations (i.e. "Ps," "Ct," "Br," etc.) instead of the icon graphics but I'm not too fond of the color choices for these little chips.  But then I'm a fluourescent gal myself.

I've installed this new suite on my new computer, Bavmorda, and so far everything is still running fast.  I have yet to open 3-4 programs with huge files open in each yet.

Faux Tornado Hits L.A.

So Saturday night (late enough to technically be Sunday morning) I was minding my own business, driving home and about to exit off of the 10 West when I see to my surprise... a tornado. A large looming tornado hovering over Santa Monica!

I have a misfunctioning "Fight or Flight" system ... Brain says "Erin you are a tiny weakling person" ... Adrenaline says "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!" So in this situation my first reaction was not to pack up my wordly belongings and find somebody with a basement ... instead it was to grab my camera and my family and go TO the looming tornado.

My initial attempts to rouse people were kinda uneventful.

Me: MOM!! TORNADO!!! GET YOUR SHOES ON!!!
Mom: I just took my contacts out!

Me: DAD!!! COME NOW! TORNADO!!
Dad: Wait. I'm uploading my digital pictures to my computer.
Me: DAD!!! WE'RE ALL ABOUT TO DIE. THE APOCALYPSE IS HAPPENING!!!
Dad: Hold on. Hold on.

Me: AMY!!! ARE YOU SEEING THIS TORNADO THING???
Amy: Are you drunk? Is this April?

Minutes later after I've fumbled for camera batteries and finally have a functioning camera of my own - my mother and I go out to investigate.

Mom: Wow! I wish I could see it but I'm not wearing my contacts. OK I'm going to bed now.

Dad finally emerges and sees it for himself. What is it?? We can't tell. It kinda looks like a tornado but there's nothing on the news... nobody's running around screaming ... everyone's pretty much asleep ... oh and it's not moving. I'm pretty sure tornados move. So I convince Dad to jump in Vlad the Matrix with me and we drive toward the tornado to investigate.

Shortly after getting back on the freeway it becomes obvious that it's lights pointed at the sky. A laser light show?? At 2am?? That seems odd. We finally find the source to be Santa Monica High School but the school itself is black, no one in the area and no big crowds of people. We find a cozy little neighborhood parking spot and proceed to enact a stakeout while also attempting to get a damn decent picture. By now the lights have changed from white to red to green to blue ... had they been fascinating colors when we were at home.. "tornado" would have been quickly crossed off the list. Nothing really eventful happened other than a few other cars that apparently had the same idea as us showed up.

At some point two dudes knocked on my window saying, "Are you seeing this?!?!" In retrospect this was a stupid question as we were sitting in our car, staring at it, pointing our cameras at it and ... you know.. pretty much we had eyes. But I'll give them a little slack as they clearly thought we were being invaded by space aliens. And their adrenaline told them to come engage in a little alien vs. human fisticuffs.

So ... did anyone else see this? What was it? Or I should say, "Why was it?" Two theories have been presented to me. The first - I saw a sign advertising a light show at the Santa Monica Civic Center on August 23. Could this have been a test run? The second - a neighbor says there's some super secret thing involving two well-known directors (coughspielberg ... coughlucas) happening at Santa Monica High (a.k.a. Samohi) on the 10th. So that's tomorrow. (Well... again "technically" that is "today" as I'm posting post midnight.)

Hopefully we'll know soon. But my apocalypse trial run only served to prove that I will be amongst the first to die if anything truly frightening happens.

Broads on the Way

For those of you who like Broadway I just read some exciting news and thought I'd share the link:

Broadway News

XANADU and 9 to 5!!!! Holy hell! While Xanadu is exciting in and of itself in that lovely campy way ... 9 to 5 is the possibility that has me saving my nickles. Dolly Parton has written the music/lyrics and so it is destined to be wonderful! So far it's just had a book reading with Allison Janney as Violet but but.... it just HAS TO SURVIVE!

Meanwhile - I'm still waiting patiently for the Broadway treatment of Fried Green Tomatoes. The rights were purchased a couple of years ago (which briefly annoyed me since I'd already started drafting the musical ... I'd wrote a couple lines of lyrics for the opening song which was about finding a head in the garden ... and the whole thing was gonna be called "Whistle Stop"... I thought that was ingenious.) When it happened I scoured the available resources and found the address for the dude who'd purchased it and sent him a letter begging him to give it a musical treatment.

He didn't write back.

I still think it'd be great but it's more likely that they were planning a more Steel Magnolias interpretation.

But meanwhile .. The Color Purple seems to work! I'm getting my e-mail newsletters regularly and crossing my fingers for a Los Angeles visit on the tour.

Friday I went to see SHOW BUSINESS: THE ROAD TO BROADWAY which is ... eh... an OK documentary. The confusing thing was that Alan Cumming kept showing up and he wasn't a focus at all. He was like.. the narrator that wasn't narrating. In the end it became clear when the credits rolled and he was listed as one of the producers. Ahhhh!

Anyhoo.... after watching that I'm a nervous wreck about the fate of the Fried Green Tomatoes adaptation and the chances for 9 to 5.

SHOW BUSINESS: THE ROAD TO BROADWAY follows four musicals during a season leading up to the Tony's and 6 months following the awards. The four musicals it focuses on are Wicked, Caroline or Change, Avenue Q and Taboo (the Boy George musical). So if you have an interest in any of those titles - you might like the doc. Watching it made me A) Annoyed that I'm not bi-coastal. B) Really annoyed that I didn't get to see Taboo.

One day, New York City, I will meet you! (I'm looking at the sky and shaking my fists now.)

In other related topics... did you know Lestat was a musical? I discovered this on YouTube. Thank god for YouTube! I regret not seeing this either but my chances were slimmer.

And there's a lovely little campaign to release the cast album that was recorded but shelved when the play closed:

Anyone got an extra ticket to Wicked? I'd like to see it again.

Meez

The best laid plans...

Currently I'm taking an interface design class in which we were asked to find some websites that needed revamping and then focus on one and redesign it. Since Juliette's "Whistle Stop Cafe" site was in desperate need of a little TLC I chose to give it a makeover. Well - on the very day that I finished my final revisions for the class I went to the WSC site to find that ... THEY'D MADE IT OVER THEMSELVES!

Gah! Well - good job WSC for recognizing that you needed an update and some professional treatment. There are some great new photos in their photo section too.

Here's their new site: http://www.thewhistlestopcafe.com/index.php

And here's the revamp I did in my interface class: http://www.nevarflow.com/interface/wsc/

Dell Part Three

Just to keep you abreast...

1) I e-mailed Katie about the royal suckfest.
2) I called to order a new computer and fought with three different sales reps about whether or not they could sell it with XP Pro. (Basically they have no checkbox on their order form... and that renders them powerless. So even though the return reps and the tech reps said they do it... they won't do it.) Fin Raziel is now just a pipe dream.....
3) I'm now researching Alienware but they have HORRIBLE customer service reviews all over the net AND.... turns out they're owned by Dell so that's not a big surprise now, is it? But I can order it built with XP!
4) Maybe Gateway? I have no experience with Gateway but I can't find any horribly negative reviews. (I can't really find any reviews of the one I would get, the Gateway FX530, anywhere.)
5) Vista or no Vista? I still don't know.
6) But the Alienware computer comes with fancy fancy light up things and I like the light up things.... of course the Alienware computer is like a million dollars for the fancy light up things. And they're owned by pesky Dell!

Incarnations and Cosmic Tests (Dell Part Two)

It's officially over between Katie (my Dell representative) and I. After her consistent refusal to answer or return my calls I gave up and began harassing other Dell representatives.

First my computer came sans TV Tuner. Then the TV Tuner came and I was required to pop it in myself. (I decided to just do it because I was annoyed... it wasn't that I couldn't ... it was the PRINCIPLE OF THE THING!)

So I had about a good hour of play with my Vista machine (which, by the way, I decided to name "Fin Raziel") (Though later I smacked my head and said... "Duh... Falcor was white!" Though in the end Fin Raziel turns out to be the more appropriate name.) before I installed the tuner. I wanted to make sure everything functioned and turned on. I played with that sidebar thing and the flippy window thing and the cool bubble screensaver and attempted to learn some of the ways of the new Documents folder and what not. Then I shut'er down to do my install.

Meanwhile, ex-phone-friend Katie, e-mailed me back regarding the tuner and said "oh it's just a simple little usb thing - plug it in and enjoy!" Idiot. They are PCI cards.

It seemingly went well but I did have some difficulty loading the software because either the software didn't like Vista or vice versa.

Day 2 - the machine won't recognize anything plugged into the firewire ports... or the USB ports for that matter. Actually to be more specific it won't recognize any of my external hard drives or thumb drives.

So I called Dell tech support and reached a dude named Charles.... who sounded EXACTLY like my techy friend Charles. I was about to have "omg that's so weird!" phone reunion with Charles but when I told him my full name he had no reaction so I decided that it was not ... in fact ... my friend Charles.

Oh and by now Fin Raziel was not shutting down properly... she'd just kinda hang there.

Anyway Charles was stumped but we did some safe mode booting to try to solve problems and then I clicked restart and went to class. Six hours later I returned and the girl was still trying to restart. Poor thing.

SO I called Dell again and reached my new best friend (who we shall call "Romano") in India. At first I was like "oh god... the Indians!" but now, dear friend, I have new respect for the Indian male. (Who I had previously pretty much disliked across the board.) (Also last week I had some Indian food for the first time so I'm broadening my cultural acceptance.) Romano took over my computer remotely (after a lot of my frustrated heavy sighs and my protestations of "it won't shut down right" "it won't let me install things") and attempted some magic and then he restarted. I warned him about the long restart time but he suggested we wait... so we waited... and waited... and finally Romano got a little bored and we had a nice little chat...

Romano: So.... you ever been to India?
Me: Nope. You ever been to L.A.?
Romano: Nope... but I really want to go to Hollywood one day!
Me: Eh. It's nothing special. It's more of a concept. Burbank is where they make the movies.
Romano: Oooh but do you run into celebrities all the time?
Me: Well not ALL the time. But sometimes. You know... like when you go to red carpet openings and stuff.
Romano: Ooooh but have you ever seen Keanu Reeves?!?! I really love Keanu Reeves!!
Me: Hehe... no. I'm not sure if even lives here.
Romano: How about Triple X? I forget his name..... oooh Vin Diesel!? Have you seen Vin Diesel?? I love Vin Diesel and all of his tattoos.
Me: Nope. But when he's not in those movies he seems a lot less tough.
Romano: Is the computer starting yet?
Me: Nope.
Romano: Have you seen any of our Bollywood movies?
Me: Uhhh.... I think one. Kama Sutra?? And something about Fire... Fire and Ice... does that sound right? (I have no idea what I was talking about.)
(in my head I was thinking "that horrifying Indian thriller music video.. I wonder if that counts")
Romano: Has it started yet?
Me: Nope
Romano: Welllll.... I shouldn't be telling you this but Dell has a return policy and you should just send this computer back and ask for a new one since this doesn't work. Call them from a different phone number and DON'T tell them I told you this!
Me: Well OK!

So I learned a lesson... don't judge a book by it's Indian accent.

However this lesson was soon dashed when dealing with the Indian Dell women the next day that just do NOT listen.

And actually what my best bud Romano told me was not a secret.. it was on my paperwork. I think maybe he just gave me a shortcut phone number which in the end didn't matter because I kept getting routed through fifteen departments because of the stupid "employee purchase" thing we somehow got in the first place.

So long story short: No one really knows what my computer's problem was. I set up an exchange for the same computer - just a new one that works. THEN I went into the Dell forums and learned from some people in there that my computer never should have been built the way it was because a TV Tuner, a floppy drive and Vista were NEVER going to work together. So then I had to talk to fifteen different people at Dell to try to change the exchange but they couldn't do that so the exchange turned into a return and they picked Fin Raziel up on Monday. NOW I have to order a brand new computer as if the first didn't exist and get it with Windows XP just to be sure that all my external drives will actually function with it.

Though tech number 15 that I talked to said that he'd just gotten a memo that Microsoft was going to stop supporting XP within a year. But anyway... so no new Vista for me it seems. But at least I'll be out of the cycle of needing a computer right when the latest buggy OS comes out.

To add insult to injury the remote control for the TV Tuner arrived today.

I'm still debating whether or not to send Katie a "you stupid!" e-mail... at least filling her in on the order being a royal suckfest.

But then I NEVER have luck with internet retail orders. It's like some sort of cosmic test... learning how to handle retail conflict.

(NOTE: "Fin Raziel" (from "Willow") was a powerful witch but it took her a few tries before she could get into the swing of things.)

Creatures Feature Me

I feel like creatures are inside of me. How to explain..... it's as if there is a very thin crusty beige being that sits in my intestine and occasionally stretches out into my stomach and then further into my esophagus. Sometimes the crusty thing curls up on my heart so there is a constant backflow of acid... sometimes the creature (or creatures) just sit in my belly. (Sit. In. Ma. Bellay!) (That was my written Scottish accent.)



This stick bug is how I envision the digestive creature.

Dr. Latin-word-for-truth, my holistic chiropractor, told me a few sessions ago that I had "something wrong with my valves." They were blocking energy or something and possibly holding up the whole healing process around my lower back.... because well my belly (and the valves therein) is on the front side of my lower back.

Soooo she asked me to bring in some food samples so she could do some tests to see if I had any food-related issues. I brought in three items that I thought could potentially be causing my persistent and annoying "tummy trouble." I brought a Coke for the caffeine, a creamer for the dairy and a little sample of Grape Nuts. (Because I like them but afterwards I always have a stomach ache.)

Well after some "I'll put a sample of something on your tongue and then test your muscle and organ responses" holistic tests (basically it's applied kinesiology) I was unable to resist pressure after the Grape Nuts but just fine with the Coke and the creamer. (The Coke and The Creamer... good name for a band!) So Dr. Latin-word-for-truth tested me specifically for wheat and, as a friend phrased it, wheat is my Kryptonite! If you put wheat on me... you'll win the fight. (Put air on me and you'll win the fight.)

So the good doc sent me home to do homework (namely, look up "wheat allergies" and "gluten free" products and "Celiac disease" which is apparently more common in the Irish.. of which I'm a good quarter) and told me not to eat wheat for 48 hours (or to try and stay away from anything flour based for safety) (which I screwed up) and then to try and cut down. (Oh and with the good suggestion that I should actually get medically tested for it since... she couldn't ACTUALLY tell me if I was allergic to wheat.) (The problem being that I have no insurance.) (Otherwise I would have had ten allergy tests by now - being the hypochondriac that I am.)

Well now my problem (now that I've embraced that I'm diseased) is that I'm not eating anything flour-based... but I think when I am possibly assuming that something doesn't have wheat in it and I eat it by mistake... then my daily stomach ache is worse than normal.

The other problem being that if I REALLY AM allergic (or sensitive to or whatever...) to wheat... then I have to become THAT person. Ugh! I hate grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping at THOSE stores even more. Those stores with their snooty organic/vegan/soy/you-better-not-say-you-want-a-plastic-bag attitudes. I have to be THAT person who says "Oh I'm sorry... does that have wheat in it? Because I'll have to instead enjoy this tasty flourless cake." (In reality... I will soooo feed on this special attention.) (And I'm just teasing... my dear vegan and non-cheese-eating friends.)

If I am allergic to the gluten/wheat dealio... this might also explain why I get severe jaw pain whenever I drink a fine malted-beverage... such as my beloved Ace Perry Ciders. It's like 25 pins suddenly stabbing me in various areas along my jawline. Up until now I've been theoretically blaming it on sulfites.

I've begun practicing ... I went and bought some WHEAT-FREE/GLUTEN-FREE products at Whole Foods. I got some Made-With-Rice-Mac & Cheese, some Made-With-Rice-Flour-Tortillas, some Made-With-Rice-Bread (which is sooooo not good) and some Made-With-Rice-Spaghetti.

This morning I stared forlornly at churros and consoled myself with some of that sweet-corn stuff at El Torito.

But still this creature is sitting inside of me. Thinking back.... I actually can't remember when I haven't had some sort of stomach ache. Well logically I must have not had a stomach ache because if I always did then I wouldn't know it was aching... since that would be normal. But I always had some excuse like "Oh I ate before I went to bed," or "I slept in too late." Now I just sorta always assumed that if you slept too long... or too late.. you ended up with a stomach ache. Is that not true?

Later I decided I had some of that Irritable Bowel Syndrome... but symptoms were not consistent. I instead decided it was the Calcium Chews causing me the mock-IBS. (Which is why I had the chiropractor test me for dairy.) When I stopped eating the Chews... I stopped having some problems (which we will not go into though I am now permanently subscribed to an entertaining newsletter from a silly yet very serious website).





Edgar! I feel like Edgar (Vincent D'Onofrio) in Men in Black... there's a bug inside of me wearing an Erin suit. Ugh.

Oh and the OTHER thing is that I have NEVER heard of this before yet every time I bring it up somebody is like "Oh that's so common! They totally sell gluten-free stuff. Elisabeth Hasselbeck has that."

But thank GOD it's not a dairy issue! How could I live without my sour cream and cheese?

Houseguest

Yesterday I found this little lovely being swatted at by my cat in the dining room.



I rescued him from the paws of my curious cat and begged him not to drop his tail but.... he did. And that was gross. And then his little stumpy tail bled on me. Eww.





What does one do with a discarded living tail? I threw it outside into the dirt... it's still there. Should I bury it?



After a few moments of anger and hissing I believe Mr. (or Ms.) Lizard realized that I was just a juvenile dork that wanted to play with him and take pictures. He (she) was actually a great little poser... he/she knew exactly where to look!



I considered keeping him/her as a pet (and an Internet friend for Heidi's lizard) since I've always wanted a lizard (though specifically I always ask for an Iguana) and this one was FREEEEEE but I realized that I had NO IDEA what to feed him. So I figured he was better off outside than inside in some box I was about to poke holes in and I let him go in the yard.


I've seen lizards in the yard before... but our little area isn't much for wildlife. Though there are a lot of opossums around and a few months ago I saw a raccoon. I wonder if this little lizard was THE lizard that I've seen before or one of many. Anyway... he's outside again. Nobody knows how he got INSIDE as the cat was asleep all day and the lizard woke him up.

Conflictions

So I've met this girl... Katie. And I'm really having conflicted feelings about Katie. Let me share.. y'know... just to get the feelings out in the air to see if maybe I can sort out these conflictions.

Katie = Just the most adorable Southern accent y'all ever did hear (and you know how I like my Southern accents). Very sweet. Very helpful. She's already met my mother ... the three of us met at the same time. We have a steady e-mail relationship going on right now except for the fact that, though I leave her messages, she rarely returns my calls opting to instead e-mail me back. I'm antisocial so I understand this. Not a problem! She has a cool last name (she doesn't win my "Coolest Last Name" award which is still in the hands of Mr. Blazewick III but it's decent.) However, I think she lies. I think I've caught her in a few lies already but y'know... these things happen when you're under stress.

Katie, in one concise definition, is my Dell Service Representative.

The story starts at Christmas (or just pre-Christmas actually) when the parents indicate that my gift for the year will be a new computer. (This actually is probably intended as a gift for my father ... since I can only use his computer to do my homework/e-mail/everything ... leaving him with no time on his own computer.) (And remember that monitor melting incident?)

Fast forward to a month ago when we finally sit down with the horribly abrasive human being that is Howard, the IT guy. For whatever reason... the fact that my computer has not yet been ordered has been blamed on the horribly abrasive Howard and his "illness" ... which was probably a cold that he's since recovered from eons ago. So Howard is finally drawn to the house to fix an internet problem that lasted far too long and while he's there we ask Howard to help with the new computer ordering. He takes all of about 3 minutes to "design" a Dell online and leaves. (This is actually a good thing because ... he's horribly abrasive. After he left my father was noted as saying, "Boy, his French is terrible." ... This was after Howard went on a tirade about all the guys at Microsoft sucking each other's cocks instead of using their brains or something.)

SOOOO... while mother was left with the Dell screen open and in the right frame of mind we called up Dell and met Katie. Somehow mother called some strange number and ended up in the employee purchase program ... how she got there no one knows BUT... we took it as good fortune because Katie was 1) Sweet 2) Hooking us up with discounts 3) American and in America. (As opposed to most of Dell's reps that are Indian in India.)

We both remained on the phone telling her what Howard thought we needed and what to cross off his list and what I knew I needed. The most important thing to this story = TV Tuner.

"Katie," I said, "the site says I can add an optional TV Tuner. I would like to do that because that's how I currently do all my video capturing and I need that." (Regardless of whether or not this is true, this is true for the story.)
Katie: "OK no problem. I'll add it on." (We proceed to discuss video editing program options... just to be clear... it was much discussed.)

"Katie I don't need fancy speakers because I already have a subwoofer and everything."
"OK"
"Katie I don't need a mouse because I have a brand new WACOM tablet with a mouse."
"OK, no mouse! Do you need a modem?"
"Well... I guess not really."

We proceed with our order. Katie reads us back everything on our list.

"Katie," I said, "Was the TV Tuner on that list?"
"Yup."
"OK good"

Flash forward to about a day later when we get the specs e-mailed to us. I see no TV Tuner on the list but assume that Katie has got it covered. "That super video card on there must have a TV tuner too," I thought.

Flash forward to the computer being delayed and rescheduled for various reasons. Finally, since it's been so long... I start really looking at the specs wanting to make sure that everything IS right before it arrives. I'm still worried about that TV Tuner (nevermind the fact that it says "speakers with subwoofer" on the list and there's definitely an extra USB port that we didn't order on there) so I start looking up the details on the super video card.... nope... no TV Tuner in that. Soooo I start trying to do one of those live chats with the Dell reps... they never work. Soooo I e-mail them but I get auto responses that are completely irrelevant. Sooooo I call Dell and get through to a rep that says they can't look at my computer because I went through the employee purchase program. I have to call Katie. (I've been avoiding this because I liked Katie and I didn't want to say, "Katie I think you fucked up.") Finally I get through to a rep who CAN look at my specs and they say, you guessed it, nope... no TV Tuner. But I still have to call Katie or her manager to have it added back in.

So I call Katie's manager first... the line's been disconnected.

So I give in and call Katie ... since she's a particular person she's never in when I call (as I don't wake up before noon) ... so I leave a message and e-mail.

We're now down to severe time constraints as it is now April 18 and the computer is supposed to ship on April 19.

Katie responds.. "Oh I'm so sorry. The order got delayed because my manager had to redo the virus thing on it and it looks like he left the TV Tuner out. I'll add it right back in. OK your new ship date is the 24th."

(The manager thing was a lie since the TV Tuner that Dell sells never appeared on any of the specs... pre or post the five delays. But I'll give it to her because when you're in a business like that you're allowed one "blame it on somebody else" pass. Personally I think she saw the "TV Out" on the super video card and just assumed that was a TV Tuner because she didn't know any better.) (I'm not even going to bring up the subwoofer... so I'll have two.. I'll deal.)

My computer arrives on Saturday, the 21st, having been shipped on the 19th. Since it wasn't even supposed to have shipped yet - I assume that it is the wrong computer and that it never got fixed. I don't open it but I do open the packing slip which lists all the components of the computer... no TV Tuner listed.

So I call/e-mail Katie and tell her I'm not opening it because I'm assuming I'll have to ship it back... Katie appropriately freaks out and then opens up the order and responds with a happy/excited e-mail saying that it is, in fact, the correct order and that I can open it and start enjoying it. The TV Tuner will list on a separate invoice I'll receive later because it was added after.

OK...I'll open it. I still think she's probably wrong but I'll be able to tell in two shakes of a lamb's tail if it has a TV Tuner or not. There's a lot I don't know about computers (thus the abrasive Howard having to list out what I need for me) but as I love cabling (if you'll recall from earlier posts)... I'll know a TV Tuner's inputs when I see one. And guess what... no TV Tuner. I even take off the casing and have a peek just in case it's somewhere where I don't expect it to be... nope.)

Also... in the box... a mouse.

Katie's gonna have a shit fit when she gets into the office tomorrow.

At this point in sales interactions (or usually before this point ... and oddly this happens often in my life) ... I'm usually fuming. Writing angry letters. Making angry "Your company is a stupid-head" phone calls... but because it's sweet Southern Katie that I get (or her sweet Southern voicemail outgoing message anyway) ... I keep giving her chances.

I think she knows she's getting these second/third/fourth chances with me. She doesn't want to fuck up the phone relationship we DO have ... if she calls she knows she may get the "I really want to speak to your manager" line and then somebody can blame her for being stupid... so I keep giving her the option to email or call. And she chooses email. It's a little game we're playing now... and it's still to be determined if it's Erin Vs. Katie or Erin & Katie vs. Dell.

Actually right now it's Erin pretending to be Erin & Katie vs. Dell while talking shit behind Katie's back. I have DONE Internet Website Customer Service/Sales... I understand the lies that you tell to make the customer happy. You usually still get in trouble but the customer doesn't "know" you're an idiot. I'm letting Katie play that part.

(Now if anybody read this far I expect you to give me your two cents.)

(And also start throwing out your name ideas because the computer is WHITE and needs some sort of middle ages name that reflects that to go along with my hardware naming theme ... Dagger, The Sheath, The Quiver, and The Minstrel (my ipod).) (And Ghost my thumb drive.. but he came pre-named.)

Finding myself

Bundled With Malaria

Part 1: I mention it on occasion but my FAVORITE humor is the mistakenly heard phrase. Often I can't hear what someone says so my brain will just fill it in with something that sounds sort of similar and I'll exclaim, "Earn more sessions by sleeving!?!?" I know full well that it's wrong but I enjoy accusing people of saying something dark and strange and then they correct me and we mutually giggle about what I originally "heard." The most recent example being:

Dad: Well this is bundled with malaria!
Erin: Bundled with malaria?!?!?!
Dad: I said this is a "fun little area."
Erin: Ha! Yes it is.

Part 2: I informed my father of my putting his "Knolys" up on the internet. He laughed and said, "Well that was my short hand." Then he held up his left hand and said, "Because my long hand was hurting."



(Note: The quote "Earn more sessions by sleeving" is from one of my favorite movie scenes in the movie ROXANNE with Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah. C.D. (Steve Martin) and Roxanne are arguing on the porch of her house:

C.D.: Ten more seconds and I'm leaving!
Roxanne (emerges from house): What did you say!?!?!?!
C.D.: I said, ten more seconds and I'm leaving!
Roxanne: Oh. (She starts to go back in.)
C.D.: Why? What did you think I said?
Roxanne: Earn more sessions by sleeving.
C.D.: What does that mean??
Roxanne: I don't know! That's why I came out to ask!

Riveting!

I do like to post these nonsensical spam e-mails that occasionally come attached to a picture advertising Viagra for cheap... this one was exciting!

..>..>
then heard the running footsteps as well. They thudded close, then he dropped the prints through a slot. A second hologram floated in the ordered. He is the ,one who knows what the device can do. planet named Ochaye, which is perhaps galaxy-famous for its other right beside him-and I swear that I have never seen him before. Maybe residential quarter and beyond it into a park-like countryside. Our We rolled ponderously between the buildings, nodding at the In the morning I had picked the lock on the control panel in the We go on-and you take a break. If things are going to be the same, Though we shuddered to a halt when we saw what was awaiting us. to his back. Heel punching out, a killing blow. tones . . . Not good. I worried a fingernail with my incisors. There are that pulled the two of them crashing together; their skulls bonked Reporting, our guard-guy-girl said. The Red One is unconscious.



This is almost modern poetry. Someone should publish a book.

MEANWHILE - I've come up with an awesome idea for a snack food to be sold in convenience stores. Two dilemmas - 1) I don't know how to make or market snack food. 2) The moral repercussions of making this snack food might make me not want to eat my own snack food.

Is it tasty?

The sign that should have been.

The sign that should have been by ~Ravie13 on deviantART