It wasn't on purpose - I killed him by ignoring a problem (similar to when I walk by mumbling homeless people). I saw him days ago in the park where I walk the chihuahua, Mortimer, that I pet-sitt. At first I only heard him and thought, "What the hell???? Why do I hear a friggin' rooster near those ducks??" Then I caught sight of him walking along the perimeter of the park - sticking to the cement areas. WTF? I saw him the next night walking near the park but more in the parking lot and thought, "Maybe I should call animal control. Some ass probably dropped him hear because they didn't want him anymore!" But then I thought, "Nah! The park keepers probably have something they can do with him."
Then last night I walked Mortimer out of the condo complex gate and the rooster was there - just stepping BACK onto the curb near the bus stop and fluttering his wings in an "Oh holy shit! That was close!" sort of gesture. Mortimer wanted to attack but I picked him up and we walked carefully around the fellow (I do slightly fear birds... ever since the parrot attack) and continued into the park for our walk in the misty rain.
I know the exact moment when he died - it was when the trees started crying.
(Or that could have been when all the misty rain had finally laden the leaves enough for bigger drops to start falling.)
When we emerged back to the sidewalk I looked around carefully (scanning - preparing for sudden bird attacks) and then I saw him.... or what was left of him.... spread across the road.
GUILT PRESSED UPON MY SOUL! I could have herded the rooster back into the park and thus saved him. Or I could have called some animal department DAYS AGO! But alas I didn't... and I murdered he rooster.
My friend Adrea was coming over for fondue so I shared my disgust about myself with her but she assured me that it was OK... that roosters really weren't animals.
Regardless - I posted the following anonymous letter on Craigslist today:
Dear fuckface who dropped the rooster off in the Peck Water Conservation Park,
The rooster is dead. This is your fault. I'm sure you "thought" it was a good idea to get rid of your unwanted rooster (or your ghetto neighbor's annoying rooster) by dropping him off to spend the rest of his days in freedom amongst the wildlife at the park but let's analyze this ...
A) He was a rooster.
B) Roosters eat grain/feed/rooster food.
C) Roosters like to spend their time with hens.
D) The Peck park is full of ducks, bunnies, some feral cats, fish, ground squirrels and birds. (Note - No hens, no roosters.)
E) The ducks, bunnies, fish, feral cats, ground squirrels et al have adapted to (by evolutionary means or sheer fortitude) to life in the wild.
F) Ducks, bunnies, fish, feral cats, ground squirrels et al do NOT eat feed/grain/rooster food. The best you could really hope for was that the citizens who bring bread to the ducks might spare a few crusts for the rooster.
I give the rooster some credit - it tried to fit in with the ducks and attempted communication. But duck and rooster.... nope - NOT the same language.
It went something like this:
ROOSTER: Cock a doodle do. Cock a doodle.... doodle... do.
DUCK: Quack. Quack Quack.
It was impossible to begin with!
This would be like me going to Mexico and saying:
ME: Hello friends! I am hungry, alone and confused. Please help me.
THEM: (pointing finger at me) ** Mire, mexicano del compañero, de que mujer de discurso está intentando conseguir nuestra atención. Me pregunto lo que ella está diciendo. Podemos fingir esperar a escuchar un rato más adelante pero nos dejamos ahora no hacer caso de ella. Ella manejará en sus la propia. ** (Then they walk away en masse towards the steaming tamale pot.)
The rooster lasted in the park for several days until he decided, last night, to give up on trying. At approximately 6:45pm he commit suicide by stepping into oncoming traffic on Peck Road.
Not only have you sacrificed the life of one rooster - you've probably traumatized a poor El Montian who was suddenly face to face (or bumper to beak) with the ill-fated rooster.
So SHAME ON YOU for your initial bad taste in pets, or your evil neighbor pet stealing ways. And shame on the Park groundskeepers who probably have some sort of animal control on speed dial! The rooster wasn't exactly hiding!
Signed,
Rooster Mourner
And now kiddos - remember to value life! I'm lighting a candle and pouring a little corn on the ground for my lost homie.
** Alta Vista BabelFish says this means: "Look, fellow Mexicans, that speaking woman is trying to get our attention. I wonder what she is saying. We can pretend to listen for a while later but let's ignore her now. She'll manage on her own." Or actually it says it means, "Watch, Mexican of the companion, of which speech woman is trying to obtain our attention. I ask myself what she is saying. We can pretend to hope to listen more ahead awhile but we let ourselves now not pay attention to her. It will handle in his the own one."
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