When I grow up...

... I want to be Libby Gelman-Waxner.

Here's another moment where I feel a little behind the times. But I shall explain...

At some point I realized that the only way I was going to read the magazines I subscribed to was to put them in the bathroom. Originally I had considered this something that was a little too trashy to do but then I realized the genius of it. Not only would I read the occasional article - but the magazine would get all warpy due to the humidity in the room and I would NOT want to keep it out of guilt and preservation. (I still have boxes full of old magazines that I intend to sell on eBay.)

SO.. I finally started reading my PREMIERE magazines and discovered Libby Gelman-Waxner's articles. They always look like something I'm going to glance over, finding the topic not particularly interesting, but I read and laugh and consider writing a letter to the editor to tell them to "keep this Libby chick!" Then I proceed to forget about her existence until the next time I stumble across another of her articles.

Today I laughed and brought the article to my computer to quote my favorite portion of her commentary on BEAUTY SHOP:

"Most of Latifah's employees are black, and whenever one of the stylists made an especially satisfying wisecrack, the audience yelled, "Girl!" This has become such a common response that I've started using it in bed when I have an orgasm, and my husband is very confused. When he asked me to stop calling him "girl," I just did three snaps and declared, "I will if I want, bitch!"

So then I googled Mrs. Gelman-Waxner and found out she has a book published full of her PREMIERE articles already! I'm behind! AND then I found out that she's a boy... named Paul... and he writes screenplays like IN & OUT. And I'm no longer sure how I feel.... about Paul.