I hoped that starting school would get me out of this job by default but AndreaGotAnAche BEGGED me to continue working there and offered to work around WHATEVER schedule I could possibly have. UGHHHHH!! I started there with at least some delusion that somehow it was still copywriting but now Andrea writes ALL of the ad copy and I'm really just the "EBay TurboLister" girl! Plus the bickering is just god-awful.
Did I mention that I told Andrea I planned on supplementing my income by bringing in a "cuss jar"? She took this as my passive agressive suggestion (since that's the language she knows) that she cuss less or at least apologize when she does it... really I was just trying to be funny. I've decided she doesn't get humor.
For example - yesterday (while admittedly frustrated with the bickering in the background, the continued cussing and the frazzled Andrea boss that always comes in mid-sentence and then gets distracted) I said to her (while she was putting on her glasses and peering over my shoulder at the old e-mail I was attempting to sort and delete since she cannot grasp the concept that she is not allowed to use the online webmail site she has for our business) jokingly, "I hate it when you look over my shoulder!"
(OK... so I'm that girl that pretends to joke about real annoyances like, "Ha ha! You didn't pay your bills again and creditors are calling! Ha! .... What? I was totally kidding. Did you not pay your bills and those ARE creditors calling?? I had no idea!")
Anyway .. alright so I'm passive agressive too! What of it?!?
Continuing with our story.... for the REST of the day she made extra efforts to NOT look over my shoulder and commentated.
"Oh is it alright if I sit on this stool sideways and look in a direction other than towards the computer?"
"I would look in your direction but my eyes might accidentally drift over your shoulder."
"I appear to be looking over your shoulder but really my glasses aren't on so I'm actually not."
I finally shouted "ENOUGH WOMAN!" (This is true.) And tried to explain that my frustrated "I hate it when you look over my shoulder" was really my effort at looking out for her and the job by attempting to keep her on track and not distract her. (All lies.)
UGHHHHHH!!
In epilogue to this particular tale - she's requested that Pat take a week off because "she's been in a mood" and "she gets so angry" and "I don't know what's going on with her" .... uhhhh... DUH! Passive Pat is ready to blow at Andrea everytime she sees her because of all Andrea's backwards P.A. shit. Wouldn't you?
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I realize that I never bothered to explain why I sometimes refer to the "Lesbian Bosses" as "AndreaGotAnAche" and "PatGotAGuy" so here's why (and I will use "Katchoo" to illustrate even though this is a great insult to Katchoo):
AndreaGotAnAche (Picture as the above yet with frumpier clothing, older and with more smoke surrounding her body.)
Andrea is somewhere in her fifties and has apparently been suffering from years of no heath insurance... and righteous indignation. She'd rather complain than get anything checked out. Well ... I take that back. She's had stuff apparently checked out enough to know that its all a mess but hasn't had the finances or capabilities or Whatever to do anything about it.
She'd rather, in the end, be right. Her complaining is a security blanket she holds on to - my best guess. So the day is usually filled with shouts of "I shouldn't lift this but Oh Well! OW OW OW OW OW OW!!" Then she comes in to tell me about it. "See this thumb? It doesn't rotate! I can't bend it this way. I woke up at 4 in the morning with my thumb frozen in this position." OW OW OW OW "See my thumb doesn't rotate." OW "I think it was because I used to play professional level golf (Gay!) and my trainer used to jam my thumbs around the club." OUCH OUCHIE "See... I think its really screwed up today!"
Next Day
OOOCH OOCH OW!! "See the discs in my neck are trashed. I can't turn my head this way." OW OW OW GOD DAMNIT PAT YOU KNOW I CAN'T LIFT THAT "Y'see I keep telling Pat that my back is really trashed but Oh Well!" Etc. Etc. All Day Long
I ignore her. She'll just come to me to tell me what part of her is "trashed" anyway. The other day they were talking to me about how they were thinking about getting AFLAC and how they probably needed the cancer coverage due to their profuse smoking. *CACKLE LAUGH*
Dude - that's not funny.
PatGotAGuy (She's the blonde Katchoo in the background here - except without the paint and the sexy good looks. Also add a baseball cap.)
Pat (a.k.a. "PantsWearingPat") is the quiet one. When you hear her... you know you've got a problem. This woman - I think - defines her self-worth by her network. You CANNOT have a conversation with Pat that does not lead to somebody she knows.
Example:
Pat: What's up?
Erin: Not much. Just trying to figure out what kind of car I want.
Pat: You should buy a Honda. I've got a guy that works at the Honda dealership down here in Long Beach. I'll give you his number. But if you just want to fix your car I have a mechanic that can get you the parts for cheaper.
Erin: Well...I'm pretty sure I want a Toyota.
Pat: Well I'm good friends with the fleet manager at the Toyota of North Hollwood so I can give you his number. Have you tried Costco? Because I have a member to Costco....
Erin: Uhhh.....
Yet another:
Pat: Whatcha doing?
Erin: I'm picking out designs cuz I'm gonna have a hoodie made.
Pat: Well I've got a guy that does excellent embroidery. I'll give you his number.
Erin: Well I want this hoodie and they do the stiching and the...
Pat: Oh well I know all the great places to get discount clothes. Long on to LandsEnd.com and look in in their clearance section and then buy a sweatshirt from them and we'll take it to my guy who does the embroidery.
Pat's Got a Guy for every possible conversation you can start. (Nevermind that in both of these scenerios she walked in on me doing something other than work.)
And now you know!
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The other day I almost laughed aloud when Andrea handed me a minty sticky thing and said, "Do you sometimes get aches? Cuz this thing is amazing - you just stick it on and its like Ben Gay but cheaper!"
**Thank you "Grey's Anatomy" for the line that has yet to get old - "There is a land called Passive Agressiva and you are its Queen!")**
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